Friday, December 12, 2014


This is a timeline of my spectacularly hellish commute last night. I only wish I had accompanying photos but I was fighting for survival and couldn't capture it digitally.

I had indications it would be bad hours before I even left work, via text alerts that were piling up.
1542  7 trains running with delays

1600  7 trains terminate at Hunters Point

1623  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 trains running with delays

1628 7 trains terminate at Hunters Point

1635  7 trains running with delays

1638  7 trains running with delays

1655  limited 7 train between Times Sq and Queensboro Plz

1705 I told my co-worker that considering all of the previous warnings, I expected the 7 Trains to not be running at all by the time I got to Grand Central.

1800 arrive in GCT, and I am correct - the escalators to 7 train blocked off - this means NO 7 TRAINS. This is where it gets "fun" as I consider my options and make my move...

I can take the 4-5-6 downtown to Union Square and transfer to the L. But considering how ridiculous both of those lines are at rush hour already, and how many MORE people will be using them because of this mess, I decide not to do that.

I decide to take the 6 uptown one stop to 51/Lex, where I will transfer to the E/M, go 1 stop to Court Square and transfer to the G. Easy! Let's do this!

First, I fucked up - I'm used to taking that train downtown so of course I wait on the wrong end of the uptown platform (I'm at the back, I wanted to be in the front). But then it just escalated into hell from there - The car pulls in, and we wait for everyone to exit before boarding. There is only 1 guy in front of me but douchebag is talking ON HIS DAMN CELLPHONE and walking way too slowly into the train. I know the doors are about to close, so I try to go around him but can't get around him. The doors begin to close as I'm entering the train (of course), so I shove him in and say 'fucking asshole!' Of course he doesn't hear me because he's on his god damn cellphone. I take a spot, hold the pole, glaring at him. He's still on the phone, oblivious. He reaches for the same pole, not paying attention, and touches my hand. FUCKING ANIMAL! I jerk my hand away still staring at him. What a disgusting revolting idiot! In that same moment, the doors (which were closed) suddenly open for a second and as they are closing again, a woman sneaks in. But not fast enough. Her bag is caught in the door. My friend sees this and decides to go help her and of course STEPS ON MY FOOT IN THE PROCESS. I shot him a death look. I wanted to beat him. He said something to me in spanish (I have no idea what) but I hate him, I hate him I fucking hate him!!! Finally the 6 Train leaves the station…

1810 Im in 51/Lex. I'm at the wrong end of the platform (because of my fuckup above) so I have to walk the length of that crowded platform to get to my transfer. But by the time I get to where the stairs and escalators are, it is TOTAL CHAOS!!! People everywhere - you can barely move - MTA people with bullhorns giving no information whatsoever. I finally get to the escalator and ride down to the E/M platform. Naturally, no one on the left side of the escalator is walking (assholes) but Im enduring it. 1 more stop and I'm in Queens away from this mess…

We make it down to the platform and it's even worse than it was upstairs!! Seriously the most dangerously crowded platform I've ever seen in my life. A train is pulling in - my train to Queens - but I can't get to it. We can all barely move. And there's an announcement that "NO DOWNTOWN E TRAINS AT THIS STOP" which means everyone that was there for that train is now walking the opposite way through the crowd to get out of the station. My train is still there, in the station, doors open, and just sitting there. It's packed. I know I can't squeeze in for several cars. I'm still slowly maneuvering through the crowded platform. I finally make my way through the crowd to where it's thinner, about 6 cars up and get on the train, which is still sitting there. I just keep thinking that in a few minutes I'll be in Queens and everything will be fine… But we're waiting and waiting and waiting for the doors to close. More people squeezing in. Eventually the doors close and by golly we are moving!!! I can't wait to go my 1 stop and get on the G Train. But when the MTA fucks up, they *really* fuck up. What should have taken 5? minutes to go that 1 stop took 20. TWENTY! To go from 51/Lex to Court Square literally took 20 minutes. It was excruciating. We kept stopping then going slow and stopping again. All the while I knew we were under the East River. I tried desperately not to think of disaster scenarios.

1821 text alert 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 trains running with delays

1823 text alert limited 7 train between Times Sq and Queensboro Plz

1840 OMFG I made it! I'm in Court Square! And there is a waiting G Train! I get a seat in the last car - where I need to be for my stop! Yes! My ordeal is nearly over! 

1845 Over the intercom the train conductor tells us "An F train will be pulling into the station and making G Train stops". She tells us this repeatedly. Nothing else. Just that. Sure enough, an F train pulls into Court Square across the platform. Then the doors to *our* train open and one of the MTA subway cleaners on the platform is screaming at us "Get out of the car! Go across the platform! Hurry!" First of all - Don't fucking yell at me woman! I've had enough tonight. And secondly - maybe the conductor should have mentioned that we needed to be offloaded from the G onto the F?! But she never told us that!

1900 I got home. A trip that normally takes me 30 minutes took 1 hour. It wasn't just the extra time it took - that doesn't bother me so much. It was just another example of what a fucking shitshow the MTA is and the absolute chaos and asshole behavior some of the other commuters and the MTA employees.
And when I got home I find this text alert:

1838 7 Train has resumed with residual delays

Of course it has. Of course it has.

Thanks MTA!!!!!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Coincidence? I think not.

If you find yourself reading this blog post, I'm going to assume you know how much I love the artist formerly known as The Moustache Man. He was responsible for the beautiful curly-queue moustaches that artistically enhanced so many otherwise boring subway NYC ads for about a year, delighting many a weary commuter.

That is, until he got arrested for it.

Well, needless to say, myself and likely tens of thousands of other commuters have been missing his work since he was cruelly forced to hang up his sharpee; and still find ourselves scanning subway ads hoping to find an old "moustache" sighting.

I know for a fact I still do this - scan for moustaches. So imagine my surprise when I was on the Vernon-Jackson platform one morning - the same platform where I was entertained on a daily basis with his work - and I saw... THIS-

I didn't realize each borough had a different hair type...
really? REALLY?!

of course Staten Island gets the mullet
Wait... What?! Each borough has a different facial hair style?! What's going on here?? What are they talking about?! Although, come to think of it, I think the Bronx one is dead on...

Forget about the baffling facial hair styles chosen to represent each borough - I think this ad is an obvious nod to our very special friend, The Moustache Artist! Even though it's not the written word "Moustache", the fact that it's supposed to look like a defaced subway poster - with a moustache - and just so happened to be up in the same subway station where he used to do that very thing seems like way too much of a coincidence to me. In fact, I have never seen this ad in another subway station! Only this one!

So what's up, Braun? Were you inspired by the Moustache Artist? I think you were. And it was smart on your part because I, for one, would have totally ignored your ad otherwise.

Perhaps the Moustache Man deserves a cut of your sales...

Monday, June 27, 2011

Say it ain't so!!

It's been well documented on this blog just how much I love the Moustache Artist. You know, the anonymous street artist who wrote the word "moustache" beautifully in script across the upper lips of many personalities who appear in ads displayed in the NYC subway system.

In fact, one of the highlights of 2010 was finding two posters that were personalized for me - a thrill I will never forget!

This is one of the most romantic things anyone has ever done for me

Look! It's me and my moustached subway poster!

But more recently, I was beside myself with joy when I found and tumblr'd this. It was a cardboard cut out that was tagged not only above ground (breaking his tradition of underground subway poster tagging!) but I saw it just 2 blocks from my apartment. It meant the Moustache Artist was right here! In Greenpoint! The 11222! I may have even passed him on the street and not known it!

Well, I guess the NYPD was hard at work trying to capture this menace to society (don't get me started...) because I received terrible news yesterday - apparently my beloved Moustache Artist was arrested! Many blog readers, friends & twitter followers alerted me to the breaking news. Needless to say, I think this is a terrible injustice. (You can read about it in the Daily News and see what he really looks like. You will also see nothing but support in the comments for the piece!)

And according to Gothamist today, he was made to apologize and say he would 'never do it again'. Well you know what? This blows! For one thing I'm sure he isn't sorry. At least I hope he's not. However, I do believe he will not do it again - I mean, who wants to go to jail?! - and that's the part that blows.

I guess that means this is really over. I will miss those little "moustaches" so much. And not just me, I know many people were a fans of his work, much more so than the ridiculous posters he was defacing. His style was simple and elegant - and he gave me and many other commuters something to smile about on occasion.

So, in honor of Moustache Man and this unfortunate turn of events, I am showing off the moustache photos I took earlier this year that I haven't had time to blog. Here you go:

Farewell, Moustache Artist, I will forever be a huge fan and miss that gorgeous cursive of yours. Even though I know I won't see any more of your work, it will be a long time before I get out of the habit of scanning posters as I walk down a subway platform, hoping to catch a new "moustache". Thank you for brightening mine - and many other commuters - trips on the NYC subway system. Your work will be missed by many.

Stay strong and good luck in court! 

forever your fan, 
*Bitch Cakes*
President of the "Free Moustache Man!" campaign

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Return of the Moustache Man to Long Island City

I've written about the Moustache Artist on this blog numerous times. And many of my friends and readers have sent me "Moustache" sightings at various subway stations throughout the transit system. I've enjoyed all your notes and photos, thank you. But unless I stumble upon it myself, it just doesn't have the same thrill. I love the aspect of surprise and delight when I'm walking down a subway platform, glancing at the posters and I spot one, and another, and another.

And that's exactly what's been happening in Long Island City again! It appears my sharpie carrying friend is back and has been hitting many of the posters on the Vernon-Jackson platform!

Ms Pillsbury from Glee

This hideous-eared woman (I hate these ads)

Sexy Jerry O Connell

Not so sexy Belushi. The living one. I get them confused.

It looks great on this owl

Super hot Michael Cera

mmm who is this hottie?!

another unknown hottie

The whole family

hairy kid

Marc Anthony

This one is extra special - not only is there a moustache, but there's a unibrow!

Welcome back, Moustache Artist. I missed you!

I knew you'd be back :)

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Wait a minute...

ok why did it take me a month for this to hit me/bother me?

As I blogged, the "Moustache" artist left me this present on the Manhattan bound side of the Vernon-Jackson platform a while ago-

Close up of the poster I blogged about last night

and when I saw this on the Queens bound side of the platform days later, I just assumed it was from him again-

This is one of the most romantic things anyone has ever done for me

But the more I think about it, the more I think it was NOT left by the same person. After it was pointed out by reader Laramie Glen in my comments, I am certain the first "bitchcakes" moustache in the Warehouse 13 poster was done by THE moustache artist. I still have no idea who that person is but I assume they googled themselves and found my blog. But I am now fairly convinced the "Moustache Man <3 BitchCakes" poster was done by an imposter! Not done by the actual moustache artist!


I mean, I'm no handwriting analyst, but since the curly-que before the "m" in moustache is done in the wrong direction, the "b"s in "bitchcakes" don't match, and the pen used in the latter picture is not as thick, I am just inclined to think these were not done by the same person.

And if that's true, it begs the question - who would go through so much trouble for me? Is it someone who really loves me (not likely - despite my online popularity, I'm pretty unlovable) or is it someone who wanted to see me blog about them, albeit anonymously? I mean really - who was it and what were their intentions?! And will I ever know??

All I do know is I haven't seen a new "moustache" in Queens for a few weeks now. But readers are writing in to me that they've spotted his work on other lines. In midtown, I think it was, I have to check my email (thanks readers!). But this guy is clearly on the move. He's made himself famous in LIC so he now has bigger fish to fry in Manhattan.

I won't lie - I miss seeing his "moustaches" in LIC and I still look for them. I hope this isn't over...

Sunday, July 11, 2010

The end of (yet another) transit-related love affair

As you likely recall, I was excited about the work of the Moustache Artist since I started seeing his modifications on posters at Vernon-Jackson in Queens. But then, when I saw he addressed me in some of his posters, I was simply smitten!

Since that post, I noticed two additional "moustache" works on the Manhattan bound Vernon-Jackson platform; but am not sure how long they've been there since I don't often make it down this far on the platform before the subway arrives -

However, it's been weeks since my "Bitch Cakes" poster and he has not made any contact since then.

To pacify myself, I theorized that the above posters must have been modified around the time he established contact with me via his posters and I just hadn't noticed.

But if that were true, then how would I explain this??? 

Remember this poster? The one where he wrote "Moustache Man <3 Bitchcakes"?

Well not only has he not responded to my "*Bitchcakes <3s you too!" but when a new poster appeared adjacent to it, he drew a *new* moustache on it - while completely ignoring my poster!

So that means he was there - in that location. He must have seen what I wrote, but completely ignored me.

I'll be honest, it hurt. :(

But the more I think about it, I think it's for the best that he ignore me and not make any contact. I have a feeling if I met the Moustache Artist it would - at best - take the mystery away and at worst, what if I were disappointed? I think some things are better off remaining a mystery.

Besides, at this point, I have a feeling he might abandon his moustache premise because a friend of mine told me she saw a bad copycat "goatee" in another station and then I saw this (see below) in Vernon-Jackson. While mildly amusing, it's obviously not his work, but someone trying to make it look like it is:

Anyway, whatever you decide to do, Moustache Man, I wish you the best. It was fun while it lasted and I was thrilled to be a part of your art. In the immortal words of Tim Gunn, our savior, "Carry on!"

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The Moustache Artist strikes again, leaving another present for me!

As I blogged last night, I didn't even notice that the newest 'moustache' at Vernon-Jackson was addressed to yours truly until I got home and uploaded the photo. And as I mentioned in that post, I wanted to get a photo of me *with* the poster this morning. Alas, that was not meant to be. So I just took a quick close up of it before getting on the train-

Close up of the poster I blogged about last night

While at work, I found out about a sale not to be missed at Banana Republic (trust me, this is integral to the story, just keep reading), but the thing was I had to go there tonight in order to take advantage of it. While the one outside of Grand Central is the most convenient, they don't carry petites. So that meant I had to go to my favorite one - the one in Rockefeller Center - after work tonight.

I accomplished my mission while I was there. I bought (are you ready for this? I hope none of my WW blog readers are over here because it will spoil the surprise) pants. Yes, PANTS. As in those things you step into one at a time that cover each leg from waist to ankle. (I.E. Not a skirt or dress, which have dominated my wardrobe since I was 14.) Actual freaking PANTS! Don't believe me? Well, look at this!

Wow. Pants.
I'm the proud recipient of these pants.

After some deliberating, I bought them.

I ended up buying the three pairs shown above. And I swear there is a point to all of this besides me once again gratuitously showing off how good I look. Ahem...

I left Banana and headed to the subway to get home. From the Rockefeller stop, I would normally have taken the V/M uptown and over to Court Square, Queens and switched to the G. However, I wanted to get a photo with my subway poster since I didn't have time this morning. Therefore, I made a point to take the V/M back downtown one stop to Grand Central, taking the 7 Train to Vernon Jackson - just so I could get those photos. (see, I told you there was a point to the Banana story! I was so determined to get those photos I changed my route home! Just for my blog and you, Moustache Artist!)

I exited at Vernon Jackson and as I walked up the platform, of course I checked for any new posters/new moustaches. I saw the same ones I had photographed last week: 'Drop Dead Diva' girl, 'Get Him to the Greek' guy, and this actual mustached man -

real stache

But something had changed since I last photographed that poster. And I don't know if this was here yesterday and I didn't see it, or if this appeared today. But tonight, I noticed it immediately! 

This is one of the most romantic things anyone has ever done for me

OMFG. For realz. He was so excited, he forgot to cross the "T" in moustache! (Inexplicably, he also gave the man in the poster eyeliner, which is fine - just an observation.)

Armed with a red pen I brought home from work specifically for this purpose, I wrote him back a note:

I <3 you too, Moustache Man!

and asked a random passer by to get a photo of me:

Moustache Man left me another present!!

Look at that ridiculous smile on my face. I was so excited! Super surprised and elated!

From there I exited, crossed the street, went down the stairs and swiped my MetroCard to complete my original quest: getting a photo of me with the poster on the Manhattan side:

Look! It's me and my moustached subway poster!

Crazy angles = good times

Now, I swear, I have NO IDEA who this artist is and (since some of you asked) it's not me! I'm not nearly that clever OR self absorbed, thank you very much (close, but not quite). So I have no idea who has been doing this. I am more inclined to think they are male now, since they wrote "Moustache Man" but that could have been specific to throw me off. Anything is possible. I'm guessing it someone that lives in LIC near that stop, but maybe they just go through there every day like I do. I don't know! The only thing I do know is this person has a beautiful penmanship and excellent sense of symmetry. Not to mention, their curly-ques are outstanding!

I must admit, I am really looking forward to whatever happens next. Maybe there will be something new waiting for me tomorrow. Maybe I will see the artist in action at some point. Maybe it's someone I know. Or maybe I will never see another 'moustache' and it will remain an unsolved mystery until the day I die. One thing is for certain: I love New York City and this is just one tiny example of how magical and awesome something as mundane as commuting can be.

Thank you again, Moustache Man. You made me giddy! :D

*Bitch Cakes*